Luv & Loneliness

As February, the month of Luv, draws to an end, I think of the ways we romanticize relationships, sometimes personifying them and hoping they will fill in the empty crevices in our lives. Byron Katie’s quote comes to mind: “It’s not your job to like me - it’s mine.”

This is a powerful statement related to our expectations for relationships. We think that if we have a relationship, all will be well and we won’t feel lonely. Having a date on Valentines’ Day will keep you from feeling alone, right?

And yet, how many times have you been amongst others and felt lonely?

Have you ever slept next to someone, and felt totally alone?

I answer “yes” to both questions and recall that lonely feeling in the presence of another as even more devastating than being alone.

Perhaps you think, “I’m lonely. I need a boyfriend, girlfriend. I just need to go out and find someone.” Perhaps you do that, and yet still feel lonely when the evening ends, after the person leaves your house. You find yourself solo, and loneliness snuggles against you.

Personifying luv, we think that if we have her, she will keep us from feeling that we are sinking alone. As such, we cling to her, to luv, to the relationship. AND we STILL FEEL ALONE!

So, we can surmise that being in a relationship is not the antidote to loneliness.

What gives?

“It’s not your job to love me - it’s mine.”

Let’s turn the focus of desire inwards, back to ourselves. No one else can remove your feelings of loneliness or luv you; that’s your job.

So…a few questions to consider:

How is your relationship with yourself?
To what degree do you enjoy being alone?
How do you spend your alone time?
How do you nurture your own well-being?
If it’s hard to be alone, what gets in the way?

Regarding how you view relationships,

How do you go about luving and receiving luv?
Do you cling to your relationships, your luv, not to feel lonely?
How do you expect “her” to fill you up?
Do you love freely, with no expectations?
How do you receive luv? With gratitude? With discomfort? Wanting more and more?
What are your attachments around luv?

I have a challenge for you!

Create alone time for yourself. Stop busying yourself, going out, looking for people.
Be with yourself, let luving yourself well become your exploration and practice…You may just be amazed by what you discover.

Dream

What would it be like to be in a relationship of clean pure love, without any expectations?
One whole person looking to luv another in a non-attached way, a partner to meet you in the act of luving purely and profoundly…

Hmmm…that sounds really luvely.